Priorities

I had lesson 4 scheduled for Friday, May 22. I was so excited, even though it would mean I'd miss the kids' Field Day. I love Field Day, and have never missed one, but come on, this is important to me! And it's supposed to be great weather, and once school is out, I will have fewer opportunities to go. I have not participated in school events for the past 4 months, so it didn't seem like a big deal to finish out the year without joining in the festivities. The kids hadn't expressed a desire for me to be there, and even if they had, they could get over it. I have a life apart from them, after all.

It's amazing the rationalizing one can do when desiring to please only oneself. Sure, obtaining my license is important to me, but raising healthy, confident kids is my primarily responsibility and is ultimately more important. Sure, there will be times when my plans take precedence, but this was not one of those times.

So I missed 4 months of school, and three of those were completely justified - Monte's recovery took priority, and we all knew it. Did the kids like it? No, but they recognized it. The past month actually didn't have a lot of volunteer opportunities, so it was easy to pursue my own desires. So when faced with the decision, it was very easy to choose my way. Besides, teachers needed volunteer forms by the 15th, and I didn't sign up to drive, so there was no obligation to anyone.

After my lesson on Tuesday, I received an email from Quentin's teacher requesting more drivers. I shrugged it off, since I had a lesson scheduled. Monte once again proved himself as a more selfless parent, as he was sincerely disappointed that he couldn't be there. He questioned why I didn't want to be there to watch the kids participate, and I didn't have a good answer, just an excuse.

I didn't sleep well, knowing that I was disappointing the kids and Monte, and I didn't want to cancel my lesson. Not just because I was really looking forward to it, but I didn't want to call Jeff. What if he thought I was scared? What if he agreed that I wasn't good enough? What if he thought I wasn't dedicated to the process? What if he wanted to drop such a flighty student? Why do I care so much what other people think of me? But I did call to reschedule, and have a lesson Tuesday, June 2. Which does not interfere with the field trips on the 3rd and 4th :)

I have given myself a timeline of 18 months to complete this, so what's the rush? I want to be consistent, but I don't need to push everything else aside.